The Things In Beards Rhyme & Audiobook

Things In Beards

A grownup’s day of grooming deeds

Includes a list of facial needs.

A forehead scrub, a spot to squeeze,

An eyebrow pluck, a moustache tweeze.

Folks do fuss, but I don’t care.

The truth is: cheeks and chins grow hair.

Some say shaving gives them rashes

(Quite the price for nice moustaches).

But we’re not here to ponder those

Fine hairs between the lip and nose.

I’d rather our attention steered

A bit more south - onto that beard!

Oh, beards! Oh, beards! Those happy furs.

A beard’s where all the fun occurs.

It catches crumbs of birthday cake

(A bit like leaves caught in a rake).

Pasta night? It holds spaghetti.

New Year's Day, you’ll find confetti.

Taco Tuesday’s bits of beef,

Like barnacles on coral reef.

But! Not all things in there are seen.

The outside might look squeaky clean 

Like Grandpa’s beard, which hides a load.

When I turned twelve years old, he showed

That nestled deep inside his beard

Hid many things (yeah, it was weird!): 

A tiny clock for keeping time

Yes, once an hour his beard will chime!

He reached right in and then pulled free

A silver spoon for midday tea.

The old remote for watching telly

Was further down, close to his belly.

Just when I thought, there can't be more,

He took me walking to the shore

And, with a wink, he reached right in

That crazy beard below his grin.

He pulled out worms and hooks and twine,

A ten-foot pole with fishing line.

He swung it back and cast it out, 

Then reeled in three big, silver trout!

And just like magic, all that stuff

Went right back in his woolly fluff.

So did the fish! You’d never tell. 

Can’t see ‘em squirm and they don’t smell.

In awe. Amazed! That’s how I felt.

Then from his beard - as Grandpa knelt -

A mist appeared, then whistling song...

Out drove a steam train, ten cars long!

The train slowed down and we jumped on

The rear caboose and rode along

Back to Gramps’s home - he tugged his beard

And just like that it disappeared 

Home in bed that night, tucked in,

I felt my own smooth, hairless chin.

Awake. Asleep. I dreamt away 

About the beard I’ll grow one day.

The End